Sexual Harassment: The Rules of Engagement.

In any interaction between human beings there are spoken and unspoken rules that dictate how one should appropriately act (whether the engagement itself is appropriate or not).

There are rules of engagement when it comes to war so it is natural to accept that when engaging in office sexual harassment there are lines to be drawn. Believe it.

Now, sexual harassment is such a strong word. I prefer office play.  But we’ll call a spade a spade.

It’s easy to merely say that it’s only sexual harassment if the person is unattractive but, hey, ugly people like work-play too. So we need to establish a common ground (a sort of playground where even the fat kid gets picked).

It is best not to be willy-nilly with whom you choose to work-play. Rather establish a repertoire by beginning with verbal wordplay. Light innuendos and puns that compare office stationary to hidden body parts are preferable. Don’t jump straight into sending links to YouPorn.

Ok, rule number one: don’t ever send links to YouPorn. That’s what we call a digital paper-trail. That’s not smart sexual harassment.

A very important rule to keep in mind is tit for tat (no pun intended but it reinforces the point). If he winks feel free to reciprocate. If she slaps your bum then it is only polite to return the favour. The idea is to slowly build up to whichever point you feel you need to draw the line. Yes, everybody has a limit. Some people will only be sexually harassed to a point before it’s no longer fun and games.

The industry you’re in will also determine how far you can take things. If you’re in a law firm then even eye contact is prohibited. If you’re in advertising feel to test the limits (as long as you’re within 5meters of the bar). 

In short, sexual harassment like love is a two way street. If you find that you’re the only one contributing chances are you’re a stalker. Stop. Reassess your approach. Then start a conversation with the office slut. Every office has one. She doesn’t necessarily put out but she prefes conversations where the topic ends up being about her Tuesday cleavage.

But I do warn you, this game is best left to attractive people. Ugly people usually end up in court.