The Friend Zone

I don’t care who you are or the places you have already been to. If you’re a man there’s no scarier place than the friend zone. It’s that ominous black whole – a social Limbo or sorts - where you’re sexually disorientated.

It’s keeps men up at night; thinking, judging themselves, wondering what went wrong. Basically, you don’t know how you got here or how the hell to get out.

The answer to the first question, how the hell did I end up in the friend-zone, is a tough one. It could be the result of a number of bad moves on your part. In The Game, timing is everything and somewhere along the line you took too long. Unfortunately there is no standard open window period – much like a worm whole – in which to get in (no pun intended).

Hindsight is 20/20 so when if you’re in the friend zone you’ll probably see the moments where you should have pulled in or unbuttoned her top or just asked her on a date. But now you find yourself in that awful place where she loves having you around but there’s no chance of it going further than “this is my friend, Sbani-bani”.

The friend zone is a house of torture run by a cruel, unintentional sorceress who’s derives great pleasure from being oblivious to the aching in your heart or loins.  She’s constantly calls you over for “drinks” or “just to hang” thus leading you to believe she’s interested. This illusion is soon dashed by her incessant ramblings of another love interest or sexual conquest she’s having trouble emotionally dealing with. If only she knew the cure is in your pants, you think to yourself.

Basically you’ve become her gay-straight buddy. You’re like an accessory in front of which she can get dressed. Accidental boob-rubs are giggled away but don’t think it meant anything, pervert.

So how can you get out? That’s a tough one because it’s a matter of risking everything. The only way to get out is to devalue the friendship. Remember, the friendship is the problem. There is no building on it, evolving it manipulating it. You don’t even know where you are buddy.

Don’t be scared of coming out empty handed. The fear is what keeps you in the friend zone. Screw the fear. Screw the friendship. That’s the only way you’re going to screw her.